Wedding Day Advice: What I’d Do Differently If I Could Do My Wedding Again

Last month, Mr Ash and I celebrated twenty years of marriage. Twenty years! How has that happened? It’s one of those funny tricks of time — in some ways, it feels like only yesterday we were standing there, rings in hand, promising each other the world. And yet here we are, two decades later, with a whole shared life under our belts and more in-jokes than I could possibly explain.

A friend recently asked me what wedding day advice I’d give my younger self if I could do it all over again. I have a few thoughts. Some are practical, some are emotional, and one involves a registrar with truly shocking timing.

It’s also struck me, looking back, how much weddings themselves have changed in the last twenty years. The way people come together to create a wedding now feels different. In my experience, the supplier team tends to be more cohesive, communicating with each other and working together for the benefit of the couple. It’s less about each person just doing their job in isolation and more about creating a shared vision — which is a far better experience all round.

So here’s what I’d do differently if I had the chance to press the big wedding reset button.

Wedding Day Advice #1 – Have a Celebrant Ceremony (No Surprises Included)

We only remember the disastrous parts of our blessing and legal ceremony — and that says it all.

Picture it: the day before our wedding, during the legal bit, the registrar suddenly turned to my husband mid-ceremony, in front of all our guests, and cautioned him that he could be marrying a bigamist. Yes, really. In the middle of the ceremony.

Apparently they hadn’t done their due diligence on my divorce paperwork. It was true drama — except not the sort you actually want. True story, utterly shocking, and certainly not the romantic vibe we had planned.

The next day we had a family member do a blessing. While well meaning the ceremony contained elements that weren’t congruent with the way we choose t live our lives and our relationship. We never saw a script and while we gave them direction on what we’d like, they still chose to include elements that just weren’t us. We didn’t know we could have had a celebrant-led ceremony. 

If I could redo it, I’d absolutely have a celebrant-led ceremony. Something personal and joyful, full of our story, not just a cookie-cutter ceremony. A ceremony that would make guests laugh, maybe cry, and feel part of something meaningful.

Wedding Day Advice #2 – Write Our Own Vows

To this day, we cannot remember what our original vows were. Not a single line. I suspect they were the standard legal wording: technically correct, emotionally beige, and with all the lasting impact of a tax return!

If we’d written our own, they’d have reflected who we were at that moment — the in-jokes, the promises that mattered to us, and the big dreams we were setting out to chase together. Twenty years later, I’d love to read them back and see how they’ve stood the test of time.

The vows are the words you carry forward into marriage, so make them count. Make them yours.

Wedding Day Advice #3 – Enjoy the Dress Process

The dress. This was not a fairytale experience for me. My self-worth wasn’t in the best place at the time, and my well-meaning mum telling me to “lose a bit of weight” every five minutes didn’t exactly help.

To make matters worse, the shop ordered the wrong size, and it was three inches too short. Three inches! I remember looking in the mirror and thinking, “Well, that’s not quite the sweeping bridal elegance I was hoping for.”

If I could do it again, I’d want the kind of experience brides now get with wonderful specialists like Hannah at Lush Curve Bridal or Nicola at Velvet Queen — someone who makes you feel celebrated exactly as you are. Where you can enjoy the process rather than feeling like it’s a test you need to pass.

Wedding Day Advice #4 – Hire an On-the-Day Coordinator

I imagined my wedding day as a serene, floating-through-the-room sort of experience. In reality? I was a headless chicken in a dress.

Has the photographer arrived? Are the chairs straight? Instead of sipping champagne and basking in the moment.

At one point, I took my stress out on my brand-new husband — not exactly the honeymoon energy you want.

If I had my time again, I’d hire someone like Stacey Page Weddings or Keshira Creative Events. A calm, capable presence who knows exactly what needs doing and who makes sure all the moving parts are taken care of without you even noticing. The peace of mind that comes from having an experienced coordinator on your side is worth every penny — you get to actually experience your wedding day instead of managing it like a corporate event.

Wedding Day Advice #5 – Invite Only the People We Really Wanted

We started with a small guest list… and then came the family friends, the distant cousins, the colleagues you sort of felt you should invite. Before we knew it, we were catering for what felt like a small village.

It was lovely in many ways, but I don’t think we got to speak to everyone properly. If I could redo it, I might even choose a smaller wedding — a cosy, intimate gathering where we could have meaningful conversations with each person instead of waving at them from across the room.

Wedding Day Advice #6 – Stop Sweating the Small Stuff

The napkin colours. The exact height of the flowers. Whether the favours looked “professional” enough. I obsessed over details like they were the difference between wedded bliss and social catastrophe.

But now, I couldn’t tell you what the napkins looked like if you paid me!

What I do remember is the way the day felt — the laughter, the hugs, the slightly questionable dancing, and the warm, fuzzy feeling of being surrounded by everyone we loved. That’s the bit that lasts.

If I could talk to my younger self, I’d say: “Put down the table plan and pick up a glass of bubbly. The day will be wonderful because it’s yours — not because the ribbons match the bridesmaids’ shoes.”

Wedding Day Advice #7 – Add More Fun for Guests

We did think about the children at our wedding — we even created a playroom full of games so they could be entertained while their parents enjoyed themselves. But if I could do it again I’d go bigger.

I’d hire a bouncy castle and a ball pit, knowing full well that the adults would be on them just as much as the kids. (And yes, I’d make sure there were cameras around for that bit.)

Some of the things I’ve seen at weddings recently have been absolute joy-makers:

• A live illustrator, such as Allison Jane Calligraphy, Woo Illustrations, or Name and A Dress, capturing guests in beautiful sketches to take home.
• LOADS of confetti from the fabulous Flutter Darlings — enough to cover every guest in a soft, colourful cloud.
• A fantastic band that would get everyone on the dancefloor, channel their inner ABBA, and keep the party going until we all had sore feet and sore cheeks from smiling.

That’s the kind of atmosphere I’d want: one where the joy was tangible and everyone felt part of something unforgettable.

Looking Back

Despite all the things I’d change, I wouldn’t trade the life we’ve built since for anything. The chaos, the hiccups, the registrar’s ill-timed bigamy accusation — they’re all part of the story now and one of the reasons why I became a celebrant!

But if you’re planning your wedding today? Take this wedding day advice to heart: make your ceremony personal, write vows worth remembering, choose a dress you love and feel amazing in, let someone else handle the logistics, invite the people who matter most, throw in some unexpected fun, and don’t let the details steal the spotlight from the joy.

And for the love of all things romantic — double-check your registrar’s prepared to get through the ceremony without accusing anyone of a criminal offence!